


We Can All Dream

by 510lulu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alpha Yamaguchi Tadashi, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Omega Tsukishima Kei, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-04 14:17:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10992645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/510lulu/pseuds/510lulu
Summary: Tsukishima feels hopeless and doesn't know where to go in life anymore. After a suicide attempt, he has to realize that he has to open up to the people who mean the most to him and learn how to live again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I actually posted this before but do to request I actually changed the pairing and I think this pairing worked better. Please let me know if I've screwed something up. I'm not very good at updates but I will try to update more often.

Tsukki laid in his bed pondering what to do when his phone went off.  **Yamaguchi**

He picked up his phone he didn't want to answer it but he knew if he didn't answer Yamaguchi would come over and Tsukki really didn't want that. He put the phone to his ear, “What do you want?” Tsukki said in a monotone voice. “Hey, Tsukki are you doing alright?” Yamaguchi said concern clear in his voice. “Yeah, I’m fine,” Tsukishima said. “Are you sure? I got to make sure my omega is okay. You’ve been ignoring everyone on the team. Did something happen we haven’t heard from for a few days and nobody could get a hold of you. Are you feeling okay?” Tsukki in an angry tone, “I’m fine goddammit I can't miss a couple practices, god. And you're not my alpha so don't say that I’m your omega.” Tsukishima hung up the phone and threw it across the room. There was a knock on his door and Akiteru poked his head in a smile plastered on his face. “How’s my baby brother doing?” Akiteru said sitting next to Tsukki on the bed. Tsukishima turned away from him holding his arms around his body. He felt his brother put his hand on his shoulder, “Hey bro you know that it's not a problem to try and kill yourself as long as you're not planning to not do it again.” Akiteru said voice attempting to sound casual. This was the first time they had talked about what happened since Tsukki had gotten out of the hospital. Tsukki placed his hands over his ears and buried his face in his pillow. Akiteru said, “Tsukki listen to me.” Akiteru grabbed his bandaged wrists and gently pulled them away from his head and pulled him up and into a hug. 

Tears fell in streams from Tsukki’s eyes shaking he snuggled into his brother's chest letting the familiar scent comfort him. “You should talk to Yamaguchi I heard your phone call and he deserves the truth. Especially since your room smells of despair.” Akiteru detached himself from Tsukki and kissed his forehead ruffling his head before walking out of the room.

Tsukki walked across the room to his phone and picked it up. He opened it cringing at the bright screen he peered at his home screen a picture of him and Yamaguchi from when they were kids. He unlocked his phone opening his contacts and scrolled down and perched himself on the edge of his bed deciding wether or not to call his boyfriend. After a few minutes of trying to sike him up to hit the call button. It rang for a second but he heard the click of the call connecting “Kei, you okay?” He could hear the annoyance in his voice. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you there is just a lot going on. 

“Whats going on Tsukki you know you can tell me anything. I’m here for you no matter how much of an ass you are sometimes.”

“I know and I’m really sorry. Do you think you could come over I want to talk to you about what is going on.” 

“Yeah okay I’ll have to ditch practice though and you know I hate to do that.” The annoyance being released from his voice. “I’ll just tell Daichi I don’t feel well I’ll be there in 20 okay.” 

“Yeah okay,” Tsukki said. He heard the click of Yamaguchi hanging up and he walked back to his bed and looked at the mirror he had across from his bed. He saw that his eyes looked lifeless he was wearing a white short sleeve shirt with a dinosaur on it. White gauze was tightly wrapped around his forearms. He fingered the gauze lightly for a second before laying down and curling back into his bed where he had created a nest of extremely soft pillows and blankets. His mom who was a beta, got them for him when he got out of the hospital so that he could try and feel a little better. She had mailed them to him since she mainly worked in Europe. He loved his mom dearly and regretted his decision to try and end his life since he knew it would break his mother's heart more than it already was. 

He let his mind wander until he heard the doorbell ring. He knew it was Yamaguchi but he didn't feel motivated to get up and open the door. He heard Akiteru open the door and start to talk with Yamaguchi. He heard the creak of footfalls coming up the stairs. Tsukki curled in on himself trying to make him as small as possible despite his tall frame fearing what was about to happen. He heard a soft knock on the door. “Come in,” Tsukki said in a small voice. Yamaguchi opened the door and stepped in. “Hi Kei,” Yamaguchi said but cut himself short when he saw the bundle of pillows and blankets in which Tsukishima was hiding. Yamaguchi strode forward towards the now trembling mass of blankets that was Tsukishima. He could sense Yamaguchi’s concerned eyes on him. He could feel his anxiety starting to overwhelm him. Yamaguchi placed a small hand on the trembling mess. “What happened. Are you okay.” Yamaguchi said concern evident in his voice. Yamaguchi pulled a blanket down from his face and looked into the puffy red eyes as if he had been crying. “I did something stupid. That's why I haven’t been in school.” Tsukki said voice quavering. Yamaguchi brushed the younger omega’s hair out of his eyes. 

“Tsukki please tell me what happened. I know you don't want an alpha but I am your boyfriend and best friend. I don’t know what I did to get you angry at me and I’m sorry for that. But please tell me what happened.” Tsukishima felt an inch of guilt because he wanted Yamaguchi to be his alpha he was just overwhelmed, anxious and, confused.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean what I said,” Tsukki said guiltily. He sat up blankets pooling around his waist. His wrapped wrists in full view. Yamaguchi looked at them it took him a minute to realize what they were but when he did he looked from Tsukki and back to his wrist. Tears had started to fall from Kei’s already puffy eyes. Yamaguchi took him in his arms and cradled him as he sobbed. Yamaguchi rubbed small circles up and down Tsukki’s back trying to calm the distressed omega. He separated himself from Tsukki who was still stifling his tears and looked up at him. “Why?” Yamaguchi asked holding Tsukki’s hands so that his wrists were in full view. 

“I wish I had an answer but I don’t. The doctors diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. I don’t really know what that means. I was only in the hospital for only 2 days because they had to put me on Suicide watch. But the reason for doing it. I don't know I guess I just felt hopeless and overwhelmed and I didn’t know what to do. I know I should have come to you but it’s hard to tell someone how you feel. I’m sorry for saying weren’t my alpha I know you are but if don't want me now I would understand.” Tsukki said all of this quickly while shaking uncontrollably. Yamaguchi looked at Tsukki and tears started to roll from his eyes. 

“Tsukki you know that you are the only one I want. I care for you so much and I never want to see you hurt like this. I will always want you no matter what. I don't care about any disorder. I want you as my mate and that doesn't change anything.” Yamaguchi said. He leaned in towards Tsukki and kissed him lightly on his chapped lips. It was a short but meaningful kiss. When he pulled back Yamaguchi said, “Show me.” Picking up Tsukki's hands. Tsukishima nodded lightly Yamaguchi gently remove the gauze while Kei looked away. Once both wrists were unwrapped only gauze pads were left on top. Yamaguchi gently removed them to show the large vertical laceration that went from his wrist and on for a good 5 inches on both arms. They still had their stitches and Yamaguchi brought his wrist up to his mouth and kissed gently up and down his arm. When he lowered Tsukki’s arm he stared at Kei’s face still turned away. Leaning forward he gently turned his cheek with his hand and kissed Tsukki on his lips again. He wrapped Tsukishima’s arms back up and ended up holding him gently while they lay in Tsukki’s nest. 

“When are you going back to school?” Yamaguchi asked as they lay together. 

“Tomorrow I guess my brother has been missing classes all week to take care for me because my mom actually works in Europe and she can only afford to come home on holidays. Even though my brother had to alert her of my attempt she still can't make it back. But my brother has to go back to college which means I have to go to school. Since Akiteru doesn’t want me to be alone for a specific reason..” Tsukki said turning his head up to look at Yamaguchi's face.  He looked with loving eyes. Even though Tsukki was taller he nuzzled his head into Yamaguchi’s chest. “Will you be okay?” Yamaguchi said nuzzling the top Tsukki’s head. “Yeah, I guess I don't really care about what people know about me. But I don't think I can do volleyball for a while.” 

“Why not?” Yamaguchi asked. 

“Well, my doctor doesn’t want me ripping my stitches because I have interior stitches that dissolve and then normal ones on the top that get taken out in 2 weeks.” Yamaguchi nodded in understanding and said, 

“Well, you could talk to Ukai and see what he can have you do.” Tsukki looked up and kissed Yamaguchi, “I was afraid you were going to be mad at me.” Tsukki said honestly. The shock was clear on Yamaguchi’s face, “I would never be mad at you for this. You know that right. I love you, you mean the world to me and I just don't want to see you hurt.” Yamaguchi said kissing Tsukki all over his face. Tsukki let out a small laugh then said, “I just want you to know that being with a significant other with a mental illness isn't easy.” Yamaguchi smiled and said, “If it wasn't easy I wouldn't want to fight for you. Because you are worth a challenge.” Tsukki nodded and curled back into Yamaguchi’s chest. They stayed there for a while Yamaguchi stroking his hair and kissing the top of his head. 

“D-Do you think you can stay over I’m afraid of going to school tomorrow,” Tsukki stuttered quietly. Yamaguchi hugged him harder and said, “Of course babe.” Yamaguchi leaned down to kiss him on the top of his head. Laying together a comforting peace fell over them but after awhile Tsukki pulled away and stood up slowly. He headed for his dresser and tossed Yamaguchi a night shirt. “Here you can sleep in this. I’m guessing you didn’t bring anything,” Tsukki said grabbing one for himself as well. Tadashi stood up picking up the night shirt from the ground. Once they were changed they got back into the mass of blankets. He snuggled back into Yamaguchi’s arms. He enjoyed the feeling of his alpha being draped over him protecting him. Yamaguchi liked it too because it let him feel the tiniest bit dominant against the tall omega. As they started to drift asleep Yamaguchi let his mind wander. He thought about how he could not have noticed that Tsukki was feeling this way. It was his job to comfort his omega whenever they needed it. He felt like had failed as an alpha. Small tears started to fall from his eyes. He tried to hold them back because Tsukishima might still be awake still. But they did not let up. Eventually, he fell asleep tear tracks down his face and smelling the delectable scent of his omega.

Tsukki woke up to an alarm going off. He groaned rolling over trying to find his phone in the mess of blankets. Yamaguchi was sitting up rubbing his eyes. Tsukki found his phone and turned off the alarm. There was a knock on the door and Akiteru opened the door and poked his head in. “Hey Kei I’m going to class will you be okay?” Akiteru said. “Yeah I’ll be fine,” Tsukki said shushing him out the door. But Akiteru stopped, “Hi Yamaguchi,” Akiteru said making Tsukki blush hard. “Yamaguchi make sure that if he’s not feeling up to being in class that he has the schools permission to sit in the nurse's office till the end of school or whenever I can get there to pick you up. You here me Kei if you don't feel up to it don't push yourself. Cause god if I find you bleeding out in your bathroom again I will kill you before you can kill yourself.” There was an awkward silence then, “See you later bro.” Akiteru said giving a light hearted smile and closed the door. Yamaguchi came up behind and wrapped his arms around Tsukki’s body, “Will you be okay?” Yamaguchi asked. “YES!” Tsukishima said harshly and pushed Yamaguchi away. He realized what he’d done a knelt to the floor, “I'm sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Tsukki kept repeating fear and panic in his voice. Yamaguchi knelt down so as to be eye level with him, “I know you don't want to be asked how you're feeling but it's necessary. I don't want to lose you.” Yamaguchi said brushing the hairs out of Tsukki’s face and peppered it with kisses. “Let's get ready okay.” He took Tsukki’s hands and pulled him to his feet. He was breathing shallowly and let Yamaguchi dress him. Once Yamaguchi had finished dressing him Tsukki sat on the bed. He was feeling numb and didn’t want to move. “Okay, Kei are you ready to go?” Yamaguchi kneeled down in between his legs and said, “You are going to be okay. And if you're not feeling well you're allowed to go the nurse's office. Don’t you forget that.” Tsukki nodded and Yamaguchi stood up taking Kei’s hand and lifting him up and into a hug. Tsukki pulled away after a minute knowing he would be late for school and he didn't want to bring attention to himself.

   When they arrived at school Yamaguchi took Tsukki’s hand and gave it a tight squeeze and let go heading towards his classroom. Tsukki held tightly to his book bag and walked into his classroom. He walked over to his chair and took out his pencil and notebook. The girl who sat behind him asked, “Oh hi Tsukishima where have you been?” Tsukki knew she was just being nice but he never really liked anyone in his class because they were annoying. He responded sternly, “I was sick please leave me alone.” The girl looked dejected but just sat there quietly. The rest of the morning was filled with similar remarks and Tsukishima was just about done. When the bell rang to signal lunch he picked up his bento box that Akiteru had attempted to make. It was probably poisoned knowing Akiteru’s cooking. He left the classroom in a hurry and left the school to sit by a tree near the gym. Yamaguchi showed up 5 minutes later and sat across from Tsukki. “How was class?” Yamaguchi said. 

“Stupid as usual they teach such unnecessary work and it’s stupid and stressful,” Tsukki said crossing his arms across his chest. 

“Luckily I haven’t seen anyone else from the team. I really don’t think I can deal with the freak duo or Daichi. I wish I could avoid them forever.” 

Yamaguchi put a hand on Tsukki’s crossed arms and said, 

“I know, but you should probably talk to Ukai and Takeda today and tell them. And before you say anything I know you don't want to but it would probably be for the best.” Tsukki unfurled his arms and nodded slightly. He was starting to panic and Yamaguchi could sense this and continued, “I’ll go with you. You don’t need to this alone okay. ” Yamaguchi stood up he had repacked his lunch and held his hand out which Tsukki took gratefully. “Let’s go to the teacher's office okay.” Tsukki nodded shakily in response to Yamaguchi. 

As they walked through the school heading towards the teacher department Tsukki’s mind was racing, his breath was wavering and Yamaguchi took his hand and squeezed trying to calm him down. “You're alright okay don’t worry,” Yamaguchi whispered in Tsukki’s ear and smiled. As they approached the door Tsukki was trying to take deep breaths as to prevent himself from panicking. As Yamaguchi opened the door letting Tsukishima walk through first and followed him in. They walked up to Takeda’s desk where luckily Ukai was sitting. It looked like they were going over volleyball tactics but Yamaguchi walked right up to them and said, “Hello.” he gave them his charming innocent smile and they both looked up. Takeda-sensei and Ukai looked up noticing both the teens.  “Oh hello Yamaguchi, Tsukishima what can I do for you?” Takeda said. “Well um, Tsukishima needs to talk to you guys about something,” Yamaguchi said, Tsukishima straightened his shoulders. “Is this about you missing class all week without any notice. I’m really disappointed you even missed practices, you especially don't look sick so why?” Ukai said raising his voice a tiny bit. Tsukki shook trying to calm himself down. He was still not 100% stable and being yelled at was not making him feel too good about himself.  “U-Um sorry about that I would appreciate if you wouldn’t raise your voice at me,” Tsukishima said quietly missing the bite he usually had in his voice. He feared that he would snap at him because his nerves were frayed. Ukai looked taken aback and kept quite, “Like I was saying Tsukishima wanted to talk to you guys about a sensitive subject and why he won't be able to play the same way for a while.” Yamaguchi said pulling up two chairs to sit next to Ukai and Takeda. They sat down and both Ukai and Takeda look expectantly at the two boys. “W-well I..” Tsukki was stammering not knowing how to approach the taboo subject. Yamaguchi took his hand and said, “Do you want me to tell them?” Yamaguchi spoke softly and Tsukki nodded. “Okay well, Tsukishima-san is here today because on Thursday he tried to kill himself.” When Yamaguchi said that, both Ukai and Takeda looked at Tsukishima with dumbstruck faces. “W-what?!” Takeda said. “He said I tried to kill myself okay and I won't be able to practice because I have a shit ton of stiches. Okay.” Tsukki said sternly annoyious clear in his voice. “W-what why?” Takeda stammered shock clear on his face. “You heard what I said I’m not in the mood to repeat it,” Tsukki said his voice bitter and emotionless his arms crossed across his chest. “Well okay you don’t need to but since you got stitches I’m estimating you tried slashing your wrists?” Ukai sensei said quiertly he seemed to have passed the initial shock “Well duh, why else would I have gotten stitches? But I won't be at practice because I won't be able to do anything anyways untilI get my stitches out which won't be for 2 weeks.” Tsukki said looking at his feet. “I would like to see you at practice just to keep you in the loop,” Ukai said his voice calm and collected. “So what I get to be the Volleyball team's water boy… great.” Tsukki said rolling his eyes he was royally pissed off. “Well, Tsukishima if you want to continue playing on the team you still need to show up so don't worry.We’ll find something for yoy to do. But we do have a training camp coming up next week and you are not obligated to go but you can come along if you want to. You could help Kiyoko with plans for the team.” Takeda said putting a concerned hand on Tsukishima’s knee. “Fine whatever. Please just don't tell the rest of the team I don’t really want their concern.” Tsukishima said moving his knee to rid himself of Takeda’s hand. “Of course it is not our plan to make you uncomfortable,” Ukai said. Both boys stood up to take their leave. Yamaguchi bowed and Tsukki lowered his head in goodbye, and they both left the room.

“See it wasn’t so bad,” Yamaguchi said. “Yeah, whatever. Do you think you could take me to the nurse's office I’m not in the mood to go back to class.” Tsukki said. Yamaguchi looked at him the concern so clear in his eyes. “Yeah of course.” Yamaguchi lead the way to the nurse's office where Tsukki was allowed to lay in the bed for the rest of the day. “I’ll go grab your bag from your classroom and bring it here for you okay,” Yamaguchi said and Tsukki nodded laying down on the cot. He felt physically drained as if he’d ran a marathon. As he lay there the nurse came by and said she could change the dressings on his arms. Tsukki didn’t want to let her but she was being persistent. She probably wanted to see what he’d done. He hated when people looked at them the doctors in the hospital told him that he was lucky to be alive but he didn’t want to listen to them. He had wanted to die and he didn’t truly feel any different. He hated himself, he hated being an omega because he wasn’t like your traditional dainty omega. He hated the way he made small kids cry just by looking at them. He hated it all. The only things now keeping him here was the thought of putting his brother, mom and, Yamaguchi through all that pain. Finding his body must not have been pleasant. When he had done it Tsukki hadn’t thought about consequences. He had felt completely numb he didn't feel himself cutting himself. It was like he was watching it happen from a far and didn't feel like it was him. He couldn’t feel the blade glide roughly through the layers of skin of his arm... Tsukki shook his head the nurse had finished bandaging his arm, He laid on the got curling in on himself wrapping his arms tightly around himself.

Tsukki woke to the bell ringing he sat rubbing the palm of his hands. He heard the door open and Yamaguchi gently pushed the curtain away. “Hey, Tsukki. How are you doing?” Yamaguchi looking questionably at him. “I’m okay I’m just tired.” He said quietly. Yamaguchi smiled and said, “I grabbed your backpack,” Placing it next to his cot. “I just wanted to drop this by. I’ve got to go back to class but I’ll come grab you after school. Yamaguchi left but not before he gave Tsukishima a small peck on the lips and left.  For the rest of the day, he laid on the cot with his headphones on his arms crossed around himself protectively and the nurse asking him questions every 15 minutes about how he was doing. He was thoroughly annoyed by the time Yamaguchi came about an hour later

   Yamaguchi sat restlessly in his chair fidgetting and tapping his pencil on his table. His mind was distracted the guilt he felt was unbearable. He should have been able to help his Omega, who hadn’t even felt safe enough to tell him what was wrong. He pushed those feelings aside as he walked to the nurse's office at the end of the day. He walked into the nurse's office striding to Tsukki’s bed. “What are you listening to?” Yamaguchi asked startling Kei but when he realized who it was he calmed down. “Nothing my phone died 30 minutes ago I’m just tired of the nurses nagging me.” Yamaguchi stifled a laugh and said, “You can borrow my phone it’s full cause I never use it.” He pulled out his phone and handed it Tsukki.

Yamaguchi’s home screen was of his and Tsukki’s legs overlooking a sunset. It had been their first official date and that day still made Yamaguchi smile at the thought. “Thanks, Tadashi,” Tsukishima said plugging his headphones into Yamaguchi’s phone. “You ready to go?” He questioned. Looking at Kei quizzically. “Yah I guess but aren’t you going to practice?” 

“Yes but you are to remember what Coach said.” Kei stiffened. 

“I don’t want to go,” Tsukki said crossing his arms and pouting like a child

“ Tsukki ou should go to practice and before you say anything in opposition, the team would want to see you. Cause you did disappear without a trace for almost a week okay. And if you do it they won't ask as many questions” Yamaguchi said taking Tsukki’s hand in his. 

“Fine but I’m only doing it for you. I hope you realize.” Tsukishima said grudgingly. “That's why I love you,” Yamaguchi said standing up and dragging Kei along with him 

The nurse said a quick goodbye telling him to “feel better” but he knew she didn’t mean it. Yamaguchi took Tsukki’s hand in his and they walked down the hallway. Once they got outside of the school they headed towards the team room building. When they were at the door Yamaguchi took his hand out Tsukki’s and opened the door. Half the team was in the room getting ready and when they saw Tsukishima they all huddled around him. “Yo Tsukishima where've you been? You’ve been missing practice. You're going to have to make it up to your senpai.” Tanaka said slapping his shoulder. Tsukki stiffened. “I was sick that's it's nothing interesting to report.” He deadpanned. Everyone could here the passive aggressive anger in the omega and backed off. As Yamaguchi turned to get ready for training Hinata came up to Kei. “Hey, aren’t you going to ready?” He asked nervously. “No. I’m not allowed to play for two weeks.” Kei said crossing his arms. “Oh man, you must've been really sick.” 

“You have no idea,” Tsukki said putting his headphones on even with no music playing it was a clearly saying stay away. “Well hope you feel better Tsukishima.” Hinata waved and went back to Kageyama. As the team room started to empty Daichi came in and when he saw Tsukishima he headed towards him. Tsukki started to feel panicked he couldn’t lie to Daichi. That man was terrifying when lied too. “Hey, Tsukishima. Why have you been missing so much practice?” Daichi asked. Tsukki’s mind was racing,  _ shit shit shit _ , he didn’t know what to tell the captain. He could go with the lie he had told the entire team but if he talked to Ukai he would find out what actually happened. But luckily before he had to respond Yamaguchi came up, “Oh hi Daichi.” Yamaguchi said waving towards his captain. Daichi turned his attention back to Tsukishima, 

“Now back to you. You’ve never missed a practice no matter what. So where were you?” Yamaguchi stepped back. 

“Hey, Daichi, Tsukki and I need to talk to you about something privately.” Daichi looks between the both of them, 

“What is it that you guys are dating because I already knew that.” Yamaguchi looked shocked, “Wha-at how did you know?” Yamaguchi asked.

“It's obvious you guys smell like each other it would take an idiot to figure it out. And you always arrive together so it wasn’t hard to piece together.” Daichi said. 

“Oh well, that’s not what we wanted to talk about,” Yamaguchi said nervously looking from Daichi to Tsukki who was sitting silently staring at his arms. 

“Ok well, what is it?” Daichi said taking a seat on the few chairs that were in the team room. Yamaguchi opened the team room to make sure there was no-one around. He closed the door and pulled up two more chairs for him and Tsukishima.

“So whats up and don't say Kei is pregnant.” Daichi chuckled but looked at the faces of the pair and went quietly with shock. 

“You're not actually pregnant are you?” Daichi asked leaning forward on his chair. 

“Fuck no. God, damn I’m not that much of an idiot.” Tsukki said he could smell waves of anxiety coming off of him.

“No. No, Daichi. Kei and I are here because well Kei won't be able to truly participate in training for the next two weeks and maybe more only because something happened. Both Ukai and Takeda know this and have already started to make accommodations for him.” Yamaguchi said taking Tsukki’s hand. 

“Well, what happened that warranted this to happen. Especially with the training camp right around the corner.” Daichi said. Tsukki who had sat there silently since his outburst but the more they talked the more he got pissed, he let out a frustrated whimper but Yamaguchi squeezed his hand to try and calm him down.

“Well, last Thursday Tsukki was admitted to the hospital,” Yamaguchi said quietly. Daichi looked dumbfounded, “For what?!” He said looking concerned. “He…” Yamaguchi started but Tsukki interjected, 

“I TRIED TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF! I HAVE A SHIT TON OF STITCHES GOING UP AND DOWN MY ARM ALL BECAUSE I WAS TO FUCKING PUSSY TO END IT. FUCK THIS SHIT!” Tsukki screamed and stood up knocking over his chair. His anxiety was spiking and he could feel a panic attack about to happen. He started pacing tugging at his hair. Daichi sat on his chair shocked at what the Omega had just told him. Yamaguchi stood up quickly noticing how Tsukki was panicking and grabbed both his wrist and gently pulling them away from his hair and pulling him into a hug. He hated to see how distressed Kei was. After 5 minutes of standing there in their embrace, Tsukki pulled away. He seemed calmer and picked up his chair and sat back down. During the duration of Tsukki’s mini freakout, Daichi sat there shocked his mind racing. He hated thinking about suicide and that one of his teammates were feeling that way made him feel sick to his stomach. After Tsukki sat down with Yamaguchi following his freakout. Daichi looked up to face the omega. “Okay,” Daichi said quietly remembering things he didn’t want to. “I understand I’ll let Ukai deal with your training until your better okay.” Tsukki nodded. Daichi stood up fast wanting to leave the room before his kohais could smell the anxiety that would be coming off of him. “Come to the gym when you're ready,” Daichi said before quickly exiting the room. Once outside of the room Daichi took a deep breath he needed to calm down. It was a long time ago he just needed to forget. He walked to the gym plastered a stoic smile on his face and greeted his teammates for practice for the day. 

Tsukki sat quietly, tears rolling down his cheek. Yamaguchi was trying to comfort him but it was useless. Kei felt like he was watching himself from afar. He couldn’t feel any of the emotion that he was supposed too. He felt numb. After a few minutes, Tsukki turned his head to face Yamaguchi, tears still falling down his face, “Can you take me home please.” Tsukki said he was shaking. Yamaguchi looked at him and nodded picking up both boys school bags then returning to where Tsukki sat. He lifted the boy up gently and wrapped one of his arms around his waist and they left the team room. 

Before they left Yamaguchi texted Daichi saying that he was taking Tsukishima home. Daichi didn't respond and Yamaguchi put his phone in his pocket. Leading his boyfriend home. Tsukki didn't say anything the entire way back. 

He felt weird like the world was speeding up time or slowing it down. It made him feel sick and tired. He’d had a stressful day and he knew it wasn’t going to get any easier. When they finally reached the Tsukishima household Akiteru wasn’t home yet and Yamaguchi let himself in with Tsukki’s key.

Yamaguchi could tell Kei was out of it by the way his eyes seem to be glazed over. He wanted to make sure to keep an eye on him. He led his boyfriend upstairs to his bed where he laid him down in the nest of pillows and blankets from the night before. Tsukki curled up on himself, holding his knees to his chest and he just lay there. Yamaguchi moved to Kei’s radio on the other side of his bedroom and plugged in his phone into the aux cord and turned on some of his omega’s favorite music on a low volume. He then went and laid down curling around his omega protectively and smothering the taller omega in his scent, trying to bring back Tsukki back into a right state of mind. Yamaguchi ended up falling asleep while snuggled around the love of his life. 

When Tsukishima woke up he was confused. Where was he? It took a minute to realize that he was in his bed, Yamaguchi wrapped around him. He tried to sit up but his body felt heavy instead he went for turning over to look at Yamaguchi. Once he had turned around he was face to face with his sleeping alpha. Tsukki smiled slightly he loved the way Yamaguchi’s hair stood up and his little freckles on his face. You could almost think he was an omega by how pretty he was. Tsukki thought how unpretty he looked. How did Yamaguchi even care for someone like him, he shook his head trying to clear his dark thoughts from his mind.

Yamaguchi stirred and opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw the Tsukki was awake and more aware. “Hey…” Yamaguchi said his voice heavy with sleep. Tsukki lunged and hugged Yamaguchi tightly around his midriff. “Kei you okay?” Yamaguchi asked running his fingers through his hair. “I-I don't know what happened. I’m sorry” Kei said muffled by Yamaguchi’s shirt. “Hey, it’s okay I read up about your disorder and its says that sometimes you can become unaware of your surroundings and go into like a dissociated state. I think that's what happened. Do you remember anything?” Tsukki looked up from the tight grasp he had around his alpha. “No-o not really.” Kei said, “I’m sorry for everything I wish I knew why I felt this way. It fucking sucks. There should be no reason for me to want to kill myself but yet there is. I’ve had a loving family for most of my life so why me. Why do I want to die?” Tsukki said tears rolling down his face. “Babe I don’t have an answer for you. This is just how you are and I will always love you no matter how you feel I will care for you through anything. I will be here when you need me the most and don’t you forget that.” Yamaguchi said. Tsukishima looked into his alpha’s eyes and hugged him tightly. He never wanted to let go. They laid there until they both fell asleep again, snuggled hard against each others body.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 2 I don't know when chapter 3 will be done probably between 2-4 weeks. I do go to school during the summer so it makes it hard to write fanfictionwhen you're trying to write 5 short stories within 3 weeks for your creative writing class. Well anyways chapter 2.

When Tsukishima woke up panicked. Yamaguchi was nowhere to be seen. He sat up quickly tugging off the soft blankets from his body. “Y-Yamaguchi?” Tsukki stuttered. He stood slowly observing his surroundings. Yamaguchi’s school bag was still here so he couldn’t have gotten far. He opened his door to find Yamaguchi standing there talking with Akiteru. “What the fuck are you guys talking about.” He said in a monotone voice trying to hide his relief in finding his alpha. “Oh hey, Kei we were just talking you know,” Akiteru said. “Yeah I know you were talking but what about?” 

“You babe. We were talking about you.” Yamaguchi said.

“Oh… okay, whatever.” Tsukki said standing awkwardly in the door frame. “Hey, do you want some food or something?” 

“Whatever I don’t care,” Tsukki said turning back into his room laying back into his nest of blankets. Yamaguchi came after him closing the door on Akiteru. He sat on the bed next to the lump that was Tsukki and placed a hand on top of the mound. 

   “We were just talking about what to do. I’m worried about you. Why didn’t you go, inpatient, you might be better off.”

   “No!” Tsukki interjected pulling the blankets harder around himself. 

“Kei just listens to me, I love you. God, I love you more than you could ever comprehend and I hate seeing you struggle with yourself. If you went inpatient they may be able to help you more than I or your brother could ever help you. Just think about it. I’m going to go make food I’ll bring something up to you.” Yamaguchi hugged the mound of blankets that was his boyfriend and left the room.

   Tsukishima was thinking about what his alpha had just said. He didn’t know what to do. He hated being a burden to Akiteru and especially Yamaguchi. He curled tighter in his ball of blankets and tears started to leak from his eyes. He hated crying he hated feeling weak. He hated himself. There was a knock on the door and someone came in. He expected it to be Yamaguchi but when the person pulled the blankets back it was Akiteru. 

“Hey Kei,” Akiteru said with a kind smile. Kei tried to pull the blankets back over his head but was unsuccessful.

   “Kei listens to me,” Akiteru said forcing his gaze upon the younger one.

   “Let us get you at least some kind of help. You can’t do this alone.” Kei gave his brother a steely look. 

   “Listen to me. We’re not talking about inpatient were talking about like a therapist, psychiatrist or something of the sort someone who is able to help you through your issues.”

   “Whatever. Just not inpatient please I don’t want to go anywhere.” Akiteru nodded and let Kei pull the blankets back over his head.

   “Just know we love you and want the best for you just remember that okay.”

He closed the door behind him and let his younger brother to himself. Kei curled further in on himself nuzzling his face into the comforting blankets. Laying there he listened to the music that still playing through the speaker. 

   Yamaguchi stood in Tsukishima’s kitchen staring into oblivion when he felt a pressure on his shoulder. Breaking his train of thought he turned around to see Kei’s brother standing behind him. He gave Yamaguchi a kind smile and said, “How are you doing? I know this is kind of rough but we got to try our best I guess,” Yamaguchi nodded turning to face to the other blonde brother. “I’m afraid. I’m absolutely terrified I found out yesterday that the person I want to be my mate tried to kill themselves. It makes me feel like I failed that I did something wrong. I love him so much and it would kill me if I ever lost him.” Yamaguchi let out all his emotions sinking to the ground in tears. Akiteru followed him to the ground kneeling on the cool tile and taking the young alpha in his arms. “Hey it’s okay I know this is going to be challenging but all of us will make it through. Eventually, we will all find happiness even if it takes a little longer than usual.” He whispered gently brushing Yamaguchi’s hair back in a calming fashion. 

   After a while, Yamaguchi calmed down and look at Akiteru and quietly questioned, “ Do you think we can get him to go get help. I know he won’t do it by himself and I don’t want to force and make me seem like the bad guy,” 

   “Yeah, I know you don’t have to be the bad guy I can be that role. You can be the support through all of this. But are sure you want to go through this journey cause it will not be easy on any of us.” Akiteru said in the same quiet voice. Yamaguchi nodded and pulled himself away from the arms that encircled him. Slowly he stood dusting himself off Akiteru followed suit. 

   Turning away from the older Tsukishima. “I think I’m going to make some food for Kei. He needs to eat and I don’t think he ate much of his lunch.” Yamaguchi says opening the fridge and pulling out ingredients for a sandwich. “Sounds good I have homework I need to do. Kei does have some pill he needs to take at night they are in that drawer he pointed. “Okay, thank you very much.” He said sincerely turning his back to Akiteru and continued making the sandwich.

   Kei was still bundled up in the blankets comfortably warm. He started to scent the blankets the action made him relax letting all the tension in his body to seep away. He heard the padding of feet up the stairs and then a small knock. The creak of the door opening made him poke his head out of his blankets. Yamaguchi stood there smiling he held a plate with a Pb&J sandwich on it. He strode over to his bed and gently sat on the bed dipping with his weight. “I thought you might be hungry,” Yamaguchi said gently. Tsukki sat pulling the blankets up with him. He looked like an Eskimo a stone face Eskimo but an Eskimo all the same. “Yeah, I guess thank you.” Tsukki in a whisper as Yamaguchi handed him the plate which he took with a shaky pale hand. Yamaguchi brought his legs up onto the bed pulling them up to his chest. A calm silence fell over the room while Tsukishima slowly ate his sandwich.

   When he finished his sandwich he handed the plate back to Yamaguchi and pulled the blanket further around him. Tadashi stood to place the plate on the dresser and brought over a water cup and two pills in his hand. “Hey, Tsukki you need to take these okay,” Yamaguchi said perching himself on the edge of the bed. He held the glass and pills in front of him. Tsukishima looked at the pills with distaste reluctantly taking the pills and the glass of water from Yamaguchi’s hand and popped the pills into his mouth swallowing them with a sip of water. He crinkled his face in discomfort. “Bitter,” Kei responded handing back the water glass. Standing for the second time Yamaguchi placed the glass on top of the plate and returning to Kei who was still sitting up in his cape of blankets. When he sat down again Kei moved close to him wrapping his arm around his midriff and pulling him down onto the bed. He nuzzled into Yamaguchi’s chest rubbing his face across the fabric of his shirt obviously scenting the alpha. He pulled away and looked straight into Yamaguchi’s eyes. 

   “Does your mom know your here cause I don’t want to cause any problems,” Kei said voice cracking slightly.

   “Oh yeah she’s fine she dropped me of some clothes she said I could stay as long I want or when you want me to leave,” Yamaguchi said nuzzling his own face it Tsukki’s soft golden locks. “I want you here,” Kei said quietly Yamaguchi removed his face from his hair and looked into the sad amber eyes that looked back. He moved his face and gently kissed his boyfriend. Tsukishima was pleased that Yamaguchi was kissing him it made him feel calm and grounded but he wanted more than the gentle kiss that Tadashi was giving him. As their mouths met Tsukki gently tugged on Yamaguchi’s bottom lip wishing for more access. Yamaguchi slowly parted his lips allowing access for Kei’s tongue which curled around his. Their kiss was not rushed it full of compassion and care. Slowly they came apart and Yamaguchi placed one last kiss on his beautiful omega’s lips. “Go to bed Kei. I know you’re tired.” He looked down he saw the beautiful amber eyes filled with joy a nice change from the dull emptiness he had been getting since he came over. Kei curled inwards towards the alpha who gently wrapped additional blankets on top of them. Slowly both Yamaguchi and Tsukishima fell asleep content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow my tumblr 
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/510louise


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG!! It's been seven months, and now we have an update. I've spent so much time just staring at the open doc wondering what I wanted to say because nothing seemed good enough. My plan for this fic is I'm not going to upload until I've finished it, so it may take a million years, but I will finish it. That's a promise.

**3**

The loud ringing of the alarm roused both boys from their slumber. Kei cuddled further into Yamaguchi while pulling the blankets even tighter around the pair. “C’mon Tsukki we need to get up,’ Tadashi said trying to pry Kei apart from him, but the only response he got was a muffled, “Shut up Yamaguchi,”. Yamaguchi giggled as he tried to wiggle out of the omega’s tight grip. “At least let me turn off the alarm,” He said still giggling harder. He felt the grip loosening and took it to his advantage quickly he pulled away and hold on him broke free. Tsukishima reached out arms grabbing in, thin air. Yamaguchi rolled out of bed crossing the floor and picking up Kei’s phone. Pressing the stop button and turning back towards the bed striding back he attempted to pull the blankets away from his boyfriend unsuccessfully. 

“Tsukki you need to get up you know that right.” 

“Please don’t make me get out of bed,” Tsukishima whined poking his head out from the mass of pillows. Yamaguchi smiled bending down to place a small peck on his usually grumpy boyfriends chapped lips. 

“Babe c’mon we don’t have all day.” Yamaguchi tugged harder on the blanket only to fall on his ass when Tsukki suddenly released the blanket. Sitting on the bed Kei let out a stifled laugh covering his face with his hand. “Nice Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said sarcastically rolling his eyes. Standing up he trodded over to the tall omega sitting beside him on the soft bed. 

“We have to get ready for school,” Yamaguchi says, and he watched the small smile fade from his boyfriends face. 

“Hey I will be there it’ll be okay.” Taking the large, nimble fingers in his small fingers, he squeezed them reassuringly. 

“Let’s take this one step at a time. Let's stand out of the bed.” Yamaguchi stands pulling Kei with him, “Now let's go put some clothing on.” Picking up both his and Tsukki’s uniforms. Turning away they dressed in awkward silence. “Now let us grab our backpacks,” Tadashi leans down and grabs both their bags from the ground handing Tsukishma’s his. “And get us some food because like hell am I leaving here without you eating some kind of sustenance.” 

Walking over to the door Yamaguchi pulled it open for Kei. The door shut behind the two as they headed towards the kitchen. Akiteru stood in the middle of the kitchen placing two plates on the counter. 

“What are you doing Akiteru,” Kei questioned his older brother. 

“I’m making you guys breakfast.” He said with a cheesy smile. 

“You have rarely ever cooked breakfast a day in your life. Honestly, I didn’t even think you could cook.” Kei said astonishment and amusement hid in his voice.

“I’m wounded Kei. I’ve made breakfast multiple times. How dare you undermine my skills.” He said half-jokingly Kei let a small smirk grace his face. Both teens walked forward grabbing the white plates with eggs and a piece of toast on top. Moving to sit on the island, they both thanked Akiteru and ate their food at an even pace.

   Finishing their meals both boys left the Tsukishima residence and made the 15-minute walk to school. They held hands on the way but kept an amicable silence all the way to the front of gates of the school.

“Tsukki are you going to be okay today,” Yamaguchi questioned looking at the taller blond omega. Kei stared at his alpha boyfriend and nodded his head. 

“I’m fine. I’ll see you at lunch okay,” The light mood from this morning dissipated with the cold way Tsukishima said those words as he detached his hand from Yamaguchi and turned away heading towards class. 

Tsukishima kept his head down as he entered class moving between to desks to get to his own. He hoped that today would be a better day and would not end with him dissociating like yesterday. Sitting in his seat, he pulled out his notebook and pencil and waited for the teacher to start the class. 

Luckily by lunch, nothing eventful happened, and Tsukki was able to make his way to the tree where he had sat the day before without being bothered by anyone. Plopping himself down at the trunk of the tree he took out his lunch. He nibbled slowly on his food waiting for Yamaguchi to meet him. He heard footsteps coming forward, raising his head he expected to see Yamaguchi but was surprised to see Daichi walking towards him. Quickly he dropped his head only to stare at Daichi’s feet. He was ashamed to look at his captain. 

“Do you mind if I sit,” Daichi asked looking down at the blond omega’s lowered head.

“Nothing is stopping you,” Tsukki responded staring daggers at Daichi’s shoes. Taking a seat next Tsukishima he leaned forward.

“How have you been,” Daichi asked sincerely, but Tsukishima just rolled his eyes and raised his head to look into his captain's eyes.

“Seriously you want to ask that. How have I been? Really. How do you think I’ve been.” Tsukishima snapped he never wanted to hear that question again. He was always being asked how you are? Are you doing okay? How have you been? Kei is over, hearing that question. 

“I’m sorry Tsukishima I’m sure you hear that question a lot.” 

“No shit.” Kei knew he was somewhat disrespectful to his senpai, but he didn’t give a damn.

“ Hey, I’m not you’re enemy here. I’m trying to be helpful to my teammate. I know how hard it is…”  Kei abruptly cut Daichi off. 

“You have no idea how hard it is okay. I don’t need to deal with you or anybody. Why can’t you just leave me alone like everyone else it’s better that way.” Daichi raised his hands in a placating way. 

“NO Tsukishima I don’t mean to know how you feel and I don’t want to make you feel pressured or threatened I just want to talk. I know what it’s like to have depression and I just thought maybe somebody who has gone through something similar would help.” 

“What do you mean something similar,” Kei questioned 

“Well, when I was in my first year I went through a period when I was unbelievably depressed, and I started to self-harm.” Kei’s head snapped up from the spot on the ground he and started looking at. Daichi stared at him, and continued, “I did it almost every day, and by halfway through the school year my parents decided to send me to inpatient because they didn’t know what to do. I missed out on a lot of things but everything I’ve been through has made me stronger, and I don’t want you ever to think you are alone in this world because there are people who care about you and want to see you happy.” Daichi had been speaking quickly a surprising blush rising on his cheeks. 

“I’ve never told anyone except for Suga about this. I never thought I would have to.” 

Kei who had been staring finally averted his gaze to the sky he began to mumble, 

“I want to be happy, but that seems impossible nowadays. Its been exactly a week since I tried to kill myself and I’m still unhappy, and I still want to disappear from existence. I’m not going to be able to contribute to society so what is the use of living anyways. People shy away from me when they see me because they are intimidated by me. I’ve made kids cry; I don’t realise when I'm rude because words just spew out and I have no control over them. I don’t know how Yamaguchi is still with me because I know I’ve been horrible to him sometimes and I don’t know how to stop. And I just hate everything.” Kei hadn’t realised, but halfway through his small speech tears had started falling from his eyes, “I just want to be happy, but all I’m good at is being salty, rude, and depressing.” Daichi shifted then leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Tsukishima’s body.

“People care about you. I know the entire team does and no matter what you say and Yamaguchi is with you because he knows the real you. And I know it seems impossibly hard right now and you might just want to give up. Don’t you have so much to live for? You’re smart and amazing blocker I know you enjoy music. We are all here to support and help you through this time. Because I know how hard it can be.” Daichi gently rubbed Kei’s back as the tall omega soaked the shoulder of Daichi’s shirt. 

Kei was rude and outspoken, but he’s still human and has feelings were currently in overdrive. He was feeling every emotion, and in the end, it all boiled down to the emptiness that seemed to follow him everywhere. He knew Daichi was trying to help, and it did somewhat, but it just made him feel even more guilty for everything that he has done. He knew he was selfish but so did everyone else. Tsukishima was not the guy you go to ask to share his food. But at this very moment, he felt overwhelming and crippling guilt. He shouldn’t feel this way it hurt the people around him and yet he still felt the way he felt.

Taking a deep breath, he composed himself. He allowed himself to separate from Daichi who had a kind smile on his face. He was still gently rubbing Kei’s back soothingly. Barely audible Tsukishima said, “Thank you.” 

“Of course Tsukishima. The teams here and I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to okay.” Tsukki nodded his head in response, and Daichi stood dusting his pants off. 

“I’ll see you at afternoon practice okay.” Daichi marched off, and that’s when Yamaguchi appeared. 

“Did you have a nice chat with Daichi-san,” Yamaguchi said cheerfuly as he took the spot Daichi had just abandoned. 

“I guess,” Tsukki muttered. Tadashi took Kei’s wrist and brought it up to his neck. He began to scent his wrist which magically seemed to do the trick to calm Tsukishima all the way down, and when he lowered it, Kei shifted closer to him so that he was practically sitting in his lap. Tsukishima was glad to be far away from people because he hated for people to see him as vulnerable and weak like a traditional Omega would be. He hated being seen like that which is why he put up his stern facade to keep people away from him and to prove to people he was going to be taken advantage just for being an Omega. The only person he let in was Yamaguchi who was not your average Alpha he submitted easily and didn’t stand up for himself. 

Having Kei sit in his lap made Yamaguchi’s Alpha esteem sore. He felt like he was needed and maybe he was. He loved his omega boyfriend more than anything and never wanted to see him down. He wanted him only to feel joy when together and everything going on made him feel helpless so anything to make Kei happy felt like a small victory in some way. The bell that signified that lunch was over broke to two apart reluctantly. 

“I’ll see you after class, Okay,” Yamaguchi said giving a small peck on the lips of the tall blonde. 

“Yeah,” Tsukishima responded quietly, and the two went their separate ways. 

   The rest of the day had Tsukki practically falling asleep in his seat. The lessons were annoying, and he knew all the work they were covering, so he found it useless to pay attention. Instead, he focused attention on staring out the window until the day ended. The end of day bell rang, and everyone began to pack up. Exiting the classroom Tsukki ran into Yamaguchi who had been waiting for him. 

“Are you ready to go to practice?” Yamaguchi asked as he intertwined his hand with Tsukishima’s. 

“I guess…” Tsukishima responded solemnly, and the two walked slowly together to the team room.  Arriving a bit later than the other’s allowed the two to have a little privacy as Yamaguchi got ready as Kei stood around on his phone. Unfortunately, Hinata was also a little late, and when he spotted Tsukishima he sauntered up and asked, 

“Why aren’t you getting ready?” 

“I literally answered the same question yesterday you idiot,” Tsukishima said tersely.

“Oh rightttttt!” Hinata exclaimed, and that seemed to be enough of an explanation, and he left Kei alone. 

“Tsukki I’m ready to head down,” Yamaguchi said as he adjusted his knee pads and stood. Kei dutifully followed Yamaguchi out of the room and down the stairs and into the gym. Entering the gym the familiar slap of volleyballs welcomed the pair. Ukai looked up and spotted them and made their way over. 

“Tsukishima it’s good to see you here.” Coach Ukai said smiling. 

“What’s your plan to have me do.” Tsukishima could feel the anxiety welling inside himself. He didn’t want to be here right now. 

“Well, Tsukishima I thought you could help Yachi plan for the teams upcoming training camp. We need to plan travel and lodging and basically anything we will need while we are away. Do you think you could help with that?” Ukai asked. Nodding reluctantly he trudged over to where Yachi sat on the floor surrounded by littering of papers. 

“Would you like help?” Tsukki kneeled down looking Yachi in the face. 

“Uhh sure…” Yachi stammered surprised to be being addressed by the tall male. Sitting down he brought his knees to his chest. 

“What are you working on?” Tsukishima asked quietly.

“I’m trying to organise permission forms for the training camp. I need to make sure I have everyone slip is filled out properly. If I give you half my stack can you just check off the name on this list here,” She gestured to another slip of paper? 

“Okay.” Taking a small stack of papers from Yachi’s little hands. 

   Settling down to his task Kei pulled out his headphones plugging into his phone to listen to music. He didn’t want to hear the smack of volleyballs on the court. 

Checking names was monotonous, and he finished effectively and handed the checklist to Yachi. 

“Hinata and Kageyama haven’t turned in their permission slips,” Tsukishima said, and Yachi groaned. 

“Again. They always end up losing their slips, or they forget them. Can you ask them if they have them.” 

“I guess, but it sounds pretty typical of that idiot duo.” He stood and straightened his shoulders and walked over to the two bickering teens. 

“You guys need your permission slips. If you’ve lost them ask Yachi for new ones.” Tsukki butted in. Without waiting for a response, he turned around and returned to Yachi. 

The rest of the day was uneventful, and by the end, Tsukishima felt drained. He just wanted to lay down and sleep. Yamaguchi ran over smiling and wrapped his arms around Kei’s chest.

“Hi, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi exclaimed and hugged Kei tighter.

“What’s up with you Yamaguchi. You’re acting like haven’t seen you all day when I’ve been literally in the same room as you for two hours.” 

“I know but can’t I hug my beautiful boyfriend.” 

“Yamaguchi shut up. People are starting notice,” By example, Yachi who was still standing by had turned bright red. Standing back Yamaguchi just smiled. 

“Come on don’t be like that.” Crossing his arms attempting to look offended but couldn’t help the smile that was ghosting on his lips. 

“Whatever you’re weird.” Tsukishima turned away and started to exit the gym.

“Wait for me Tsukki,” Tadashi ran forwards and took Kei’s hand in his. Tsukishima did not immediately pull his hand away. Instead, he tightened his grip on the alphas slightly sweaty palm. 

Yamaguchi got undressed quickly, and in no time the two were leaving the team room. Side by side the two walked home holding hands the entire way. Once reaching his home, Yamaguchi let go.

“Do you want me to stay the night again?” He asked.

“I don’t know do you want to stay?” Kei responded. 

“Tsukki I’m asking you. I’m here for you so if you want me to stay over again, I can and will.” 

“I guess I kinda want you to stay.” He responded reluctantly.

“Perfect now shall we enter your dwelling and get some food prepared.” Tadashi smiled and dragged Tsukki towards the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave Comments and Kudos they bust my self confidence to write more. I'm hopeless.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE HAVE A NEW CHAPTER! I think this chapter has actually been done for like two months and I just never opened the document. WHOOPS. but he we have it so enjoy leave kudos and comments because that's the only thing that reminds me that I should write.

The loud ringing of the alarm roused both boys from their slumber. Kei cuddled further into Yamaguchi while pulling the blankets even tighter around the pair. “C’mon Tsukki we need to get up,’ Tadashi said trying to pry Kei apart from him, but the only response he got was a muffled, “Shut up Yamaguchi,”. Yamaguchi giggled as he tried to wiggle out of the omega’s tight grip. “At least let me turn off the alarm,” He said still giggling harder. He felt the grip loosening and took it to his advantage quickly he pulled away and hold on him broke free. Tsukishima reached out arms grabbing in, thin air. Yamaguchi rolled out of bed crossing the floor and picking up Kei’s phone. Pressing the stop button and turning back towards the bed striding back he attempted to pull the blankets away from his boyfriend unsuccessfully. 

“Tsukki you need to get up you know that right.” 

    “Please don’t make me get out of bed,” Tsukishima whined poking his head out from the mass of pillows. Yamaguchi smiled bending down to place a small peck on his usually grumpy boyfriends chapped lips. 

“Babe c’mon we don’t have all day.” Yamaguchi tugged harder on the blanket only to fall on his ass when Tsukki suddenly released the blanket. Sitting on the bed Kei let out a stifled laugh covering his face with his hand. “Nice Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said sarcastically rolling his eyes. Standing up he trodded over to the tall omega sitting beside him on the comfy bed. 

“We have to get ready for school,” Yamaguchi says, and he watched the small smile fade from his boyfriends face. 

“Hey I will be there it’ll be okay.” Taking the large, nimble fingers in his small fingers, he squeezed them reassuringly. 

“Let’s take this one step at a time. Let's stand out of the bed.” Yamaguchi stands pulling Kei with him, “Now let's go put some clothing on.” Picking up both his and Tsukki’s uniforms. Turning away they dressed in awkward silence. “Now let us grab our backpacks,” Tadashi leans down and grabs both their bags from the ground handing Tsukishma’s his. “And get us some food because like hell am I leaving here without you eating some kind of sustenance.” 

Walking over to the door Yamaguchi pulled it open for Kei. The door shut behind the two as they headed towards the kitchen. Akiteru stood in the middle of the kitchen placing two plates on the counter. 

“What are you doing Akiteru,” Kei questioned his older brother. 

“I’m making you guys breakfast.” He said with a cheesy smile. 

“You have rarely ever cooked breakfast a day in your life. Honestly, I didn’t even think you could cook.” Kei said astonishment and amusement hid in his voice.

“I’m wounded Kei. I’ve made breakfast multiple times. How dare you undermine my skills.” He said half-jokingly Kei let a small smirk grace his face. Both teens walked forward grabbing the white plates with eggs and a piece of toast on top. Moving to sit on the island, they both thanked Akiteru and ate their food at an even pace.

   Finishing their meals both boys left the Tsukishima residence and made the 15-minute walk to school. They held hands on the way but kept an amicable silence all the way to the front of gates of the school.

“Tsukki are you going to be okay today,” Yamaguchi questioned looking at the taller blond omega. Kei stared at his alpha boyfriend and nodded his head. 

“I’m fine. I’ll see you at lunch okay,” The light mood from this morning dissipated with the cold way Tsukishima said those words as he detached his hand from Yamaguchi and turned away heading towards class. 

Tsukishima kept his head down as he entered class moving between to desks to get to his own. He hoped that today would be a better day and would not end with him dissociating like yesterday. Sitting in his seat, he pulled out his notebook and pencil and waited for the teacher to start the class. 

Luckily by the time lunch came around nothing eventful happened, and Tsukki was able to make his way to the tree where he had sat the day before without being bothered by anyone. Plopping himself down at the trunk of the tree he took out his lunch. He nibbled slowly on his food waiting for Yamaguchi to meet him. He heard footsteps coming forward, raising his head he expected to see Yamaguchi but was surprised to see Daichi walking towards him. Quickly he dropped his head only to stare at Daichi’s feet. He was ashamed to look at his captain. 

“Do you mind if I sit,” Daichi asked looking down at the blond omega’s lowered head.

“Nothing is stopping you,” Tsukki responded staring daggers at Daichi’s shoes. Taking a seat next Tsukishima he leaned forward.

“How have you been,” Daichi asked sincerely, but Tsukishima just rolled his eyes and raised his head to look into his captain's eyes.

“Seriously you want to ask that. How have I been? Really. How do you think I’ve been.” Tsukishima snapped he never wanted to hear that question again. He was always being asked how you are? Are you doing okay? How have you been? Kei is done listening to that question. 

“I’m sorry Tsukishima I’m sure you hear that question a lot.” 

“No shit.” Kei knew he was somewhat disrespectful to his senpai, but he didn’t give a damn.

“ Hey, I’m not you’re enemy here. I’m trying to be helpful to my teammate. I know how hard it is…”  Kei abruptly cut Daichi off. 

    “You have no idea how hard it is okay. I don’t need to deal with you or anybody. Why can’t you just leave me alone like everyone else it’s better that way.” Daichi raised his hands in a placating way. 

“NO Tsukishima I don’t mean to know how you feel and I don’t want to make you feel pressured or threatened I just want to talk. I know what it’s like to have depression and I just thought maybe somebody who has gone through something similar would help.” 

“What do you mean something similar,” Kei questioned 

“Well, when I was in my first year, I went through a period when I was unbelievably depressed, and I started to self-harm.” Kei’s head snapped up from the spot on the ground he and started looking at. Daichi stared at him, and continued, “I did it almost every day, and by halfway through the school year my parents decided to send me to inpatient because they didn’t know what to do. I missed out on a lot of things but everything I’ve been through has made me stronger, and I don’t want you ever to think you are alone in this world because there are people who care about you and want to see you happy.” Daichi had been speaking quickly a surprising blush rising on his cheeks. 

“I’ve never told anyone except for Suga about this. I never thought I would have to.” 

Kei who had been staring finally averted his gaze to the sky he began to mumble, 

“I want to be happy, but that seems impossible nowadays. Its been exactly a week since I tried to kill myself and I’m still unhappy, and I still want to disappear from existence. I’m not going to be able to contribute to society so what is the use of living anyways. People shy away from me when they see me because they are intimidated by me. I’ve made kids cry; I don’t realise when I'm rude because words just spew out and I have no control over them. I don’t know how Yamaguchi is still with me because I know I’ve been horrible to him sometimes and I don’t know how to stop. And I just hate everything.” Kei hadn’t realised, but halfway through his small speech tears had started falling from his eyes, “I just want to be happy, but all I’m good at is being salty, rude, and depressing.” Daichi shifted then leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Tsukishima’s body.

“People care about you. I know the entire team does and no matter what you say and Yamaguchi is with you because he knows the real you. And I know it seems impossibly hard right now and you might just want to give up. Don’t you have so much to live for? You’re smart and amazing blocker I know you enjoy music. We are all here to support and help you through this time. Because I know how hard it can be.” Daichi gently rubbed Kei’s back as the tall omega soaked the shoulder of Daichi’s shirt. 

Kei was rude and outspoken, but he’s still human and has feelings were currently in overdrive. He was feeling every emotion, and in the end, it all boiled down to the emptiness that seemed to follow him everywhere. He knew Daichi was trying to help, and it did somewhat, but it just made him feel even more guilty for everything that he has done. He knew he was selfish but so did everyone else. Tsukishima was not the guy you go to ask to share his food. But at this very moment, he felt overwhelming and crippling guilt. He shouldn’t feel this way it hurt the people around him and yet he still felt the way he felt.

Taking a deep breath, he composed himself. He allowed himself to separate from Daichi who had a kind smile on his face. He was still gently rubbing Kei’s back soothingly. Barely audible Tsukishima said, “Thank you.” 

“Of course Tsukishima. The teams here and I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to okay.” Tsukki nodded his head in response, and Daichi stood dusting his pants off. 

“I’ll see you at afternoon practice okay.” Daichi marched off, and that’s when Yamaguchi appeared. 

“Did you have a nice chat with Daichi-san,” Yamaguchi chirped as he took the spot Daichi had just abandoned. 

“I guess,” Tsukki muttered. Tadashi took Kei’s wrist and brought it up to his neck. He began to scent his wrist which magically seemed to do the trick to calm Tsukishima all the way down, and when he lowered it, Kei shifted closer to him so that he was practically sitting in his lap. Tsukishima was glad to be far away from people because he hated for people to see him as vulnerable and weak like a traditional Omega would be. He hated being seen like that which is why he put up his stern facade to keep people away from him and to prove to people he was going to be taken advantage just for being an Omega. The only person he let in was Yamaguchi who was not your average Alpha he submitted easily and didn’t stand up for himself. 

Having Kei sit in his lap made Yamaguchi’s Alpha esteem sore. He felt like he was needed and maybe he was. He loved his omega boyfriend more than anything and never wanted to see him down. He wanted him only to feel joy when together and everything going on made him feel helpless so anything to make Kei happy felt like a small victory in some way. The bell that signified that lunch was over broke to two apart reluctantly. 

“I’ll see you after class, Okay,” Yamaguchi said giving a small peck on the lips of the tall blonde. 

“Yeah,” Tsukishima responded quietly, and the two went their separate ways. 

   The rest of the day had Tsukki practically falling asleep in his seat. The lessons were annoying, and he knew all the work they were covering, so he found it useless to pay attention. Instead, he focused attention on staring out the window until the day ended. The end of day bell rang, and everyone began to pack up. Exiting the classroom Tsukki ran into Yamaguchi who had been waiting for him. 

“Are you ready to go to practice?” Yamaguchi asked as he intertwined his hand with Tsukishima’s. 

“I guess…” Tsukishima responded solemnly, and the two walked slowly together to the team room.  Arriving a bit later than the other’s allowed the two to have a little privacy as Yamaguchi got ready as Kei stood around on his phone. Unfortunately, Hinata was also a little late, and when he spotted Tsukishima he sauntered up and asked, 

“Why aren’t you getting ready?” 

“I literally answered the same question yesterday you idiot,” Tsukishima said tersely.

“Oh rightttttt!” Hinata exclaimed, and that seemed to be enough of an explanation, and he left Kei alone. 

“Tsukki I’m ready to head down,” Yamaguchi said as he adjusted his knee pads and stood. Kei dutifully followed Yamaguchi out of the room and down the stairs and into the gym. Entering the gym the familiar slap of volleyballs welcomed the pair. Ukai looked up and spotted them and made their way over. 

“Tsukishima it’s good to see you here.” Coach Ukai said smiling. 

“What’s your plan to have me do.” Tsukishima could feel the anxiety welling inside himself. He didn’t want to be here right now. 

“Well, Tsukishima I thought you could help Yachi plan for the teams upcoming training camp. We need to plan travel and lodging and basically anything we will need while we are away. Do you think you could help with that?” Ukai asked. Nodding reluctantly he trudged over to where Yachi sat on the floor surrounded by littering of papers. 

“Would you like help?” Tsukki kneeled down looking Yachi in the face. 

“Uhh sure…” Yachi stammered surprised to be being addressed by the tall male. Sitting down he brought his knees to his chest. 

“What are you working on?” Tsukishima asked quietly.

“I’m trying to organise permission forms for the training camp. I need to make sure I have everyone slip is filled out properly. If I give you half my stack can you just check off the name on this list here,” She gestured to another slip of paper? 

“Okay.” Taking a small stack of papers from Yachi’s little hands. 

   Settling down to his task Kei pulled out his headphones plugging into his phone to listen to music. He didn’t want to hear the smack of volleyballs on the court. 

Checking names was monotonous, and he finished expertly and handed the checklist to Yachi. 

“Hinata and Kageyama haven’t turned in their permission slips,” Tsukishima said, and Yachi groaned. 

“Again. They always end up losing their slips, or they forget them. Can you ask them if they have them.” 

“I guess, but it sounds pretty typical of that idiot duo.” He stood and straightened his shoulders and walked over to the two bickering teens. 

“You guys need your permission slips. If you’ve lost them ask Yachi for new ones.” Tsukki butted in. Without waiting for a response, he turned around and returned to Yachi. 

The rest of the day was uneventful, and by the end, Tsukishima felt drained. He just wanted to lay down and sleep. Yamaguchi ran over smiling and wrapped his arms around Kei’s chest.

“Hi, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi exclaimed and hugged Kei tighter.

“What’s up with you Yamaguchi. You’re acting like haven’t seen you all day when I’ve been literally in the same room as you for two hours.” 

“I know but can’t I hug my beautiful boyfriend.” 

“Yamaguchi shut up. People are starting notice,” By example, Yachi who was still standing by had turned bright red. Standing back Yamaguchi just smiled. 

“Come on don’t be like that.” Crossing his arms attempting to look offended but couldn’t help the smile that was ghosting on his lips. 

“Whatever you’re weird.” Tsukishima turned away and started to exit the gym.

“Wait for me Tsukki,” Tadashi ran forwards and took Kei’s hand in his. Tsukishima did not immediately pull his hand away. Instead, he tightened his grip on the alphas slightly sweaty palm. 

Yamaguchi got undressed quickly, and in no time the two were leaving the team room. Side by side the two walked home holding hands the entire way. Once reaching his home, Yamaguchi let go.

“Do you want me to stay the night again?” He asked.

“I don’t know do you want to stay?” Kei responded. 

“Tsukki I’m asking you. I’m here for you so if you want me to stay over again, I can and will.” 

“I guess I kinda want you to stay.” He responded reluctantly.

“Perfect now shall we enter your dwelling and get some food prepared.” Tadashi smiled and dragged Tsukki towards the front door.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr 
> 
> https://510louise.tumblr.com/
> 
> Please leave comments or message me on tumblr with problems because I might now realize since I did rewrite some parts and might not have deleted the old part


End file.
